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On your marks, get set…

December 31, 2010

Assessments are Sunday.  I’m nervous.

From my conversations with the other boot camp nuggets, I think we’re all nervous and in varying stages of acceptance that we might or might not pass.  When I went to practice on Tuesday, I had a certain amount of peace with the knowledge that I would either pass or I wouldn’t, and that it would be OK.  But as soon as I got on skates, that drive came back.  The one that makes me skate harder and faster than I’m capable of, and makes me want to pass assessments that much more…

Several weeks ago, we were divided into groups based on how many laps we could do in five minutes.  We are supposed to do 25 to pass assessments; I did 22.  I was proud at the time that by the end of the 5 minutes, I still had some more breath in me, but it was my crossovers that were keeping me from going faster.  “Good!”  I thought, “I’ve got the endurance!”  And from that point forward, I’ve been practicing my crossovers like a madwoman.

On Tuesday, we broke up into the groups we were placed in based on the five-minute endurance trials.  Shortly into the exercise, the coach pulled me out and told me to switch to a faster group.  I was beaming for a second, hoping that all my work doing crossovers was paying off.  Until I got to the faster group.  Oh.  My.  God.  I now know exhaustion like I’ve never known it before.  I skated my hardest to keep up for the duration of the drill, which felt like an hour (but wasn’t).  My heart was beating out of my chest.  My lungs were burning.  I had muscles in my hips that I’ve never heard cry out in pain quite so loudly as they did that night.  I had to fall off a couple of times, once to stretch out a cramp in my quad, once to catch my breath.  Every second that I wasn’t out there, I scolded myself for not keeping up with my pack.  I had a fleeting moment when I wanted to say “poor me, I had a heart defect, that’s why I’m so slow” but then I remembered my cardiologist’s words: “Go all out.”  So I did.

I finished the night super proud of myself.  I skated my absolute hardest.  I took hits.  I gave hits.  I pushed myself beyond my limit.  At the time, I felt like it wouldn’t matter if I don’t pass assessments, because I know that I gave it my all.

I’m writing this now to remind myself of that feeling, because right now I’m terrified of assessments.  I don’t want nerves to get the best of me.  Usually when I skate, I go into a zone where I’m oblivious to everyone else, and am completely focused on doing my best.  I hope to be in that zone on Sunday.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. January 1, 2011 2:26 am

    I found your blog when I did a search for “derby butt” (don’t ask). As a fellow rollergirl, I love it! Best of luck with your assessments on Sunday. 🙂 — Molotov Cupcake

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